While I was shocked at first, I soon calmed down and let out a chuckle. "Girls will be girls," I thought to myself. "You know, because of the hormones." I didn't dwell on this thought for long, though. After all, it was Wednesday and that means new comic books. After purchasing my comics (a whole bunch of new stuff and two back issues) I returned home with my stash and decided to get reading. I started with the back issues...
... so the first book I decided to read was Mighty Avengers #10, which promised a tantalizing battle of...The Sentry vs. The Thing
Just by looking at the cover, I knew I was in for a treat. Here we have the Sentry, right arm thrust back, about to deliver a mighty blow to the Thing. I knew, before even reaching page one, that this fight was going to be ball-to-the-walls. And I was excited. This cover said one thing to me, and that thing was: power.
The muscles ripple along the Sentry's body majestically. You can tell from this image that he is a hero among heroes. Unlike that pansy Ben Grimm.
The next back-issue I picked up was Amazing Spider-Man #551. Again, I knew I was in for a treat when the cover showed a promising battle of...Spider-man vs. Menace
I mean, how awesome is this cover? Here we have Spider-man, right arm thrust back, about to open a can of whup-ass on Menace, a new villain who, frankly, is kind of lame. He's like the Hobgoblin only gayer because he has long hair. I simply couldn't wait to crack open my copy of this issue and watch that promised punch connect with his big stupid face.
While I had originally been pretty upset about the completely retconned Spider-man, this issue changed my man when I saw, right from the cover, that this wasn't your grandma's Spider-man.
After finishing the back-issues, I moved on to this week's new releases. First up: Salvation Run #6. I must have been good in another life, because I was met with yet another beautiful cover, this one promising...Joker vs. Lex Luthor
Holy moly, this cover was a treat. Not only do we see Joker, right arm thrust back, about to introduce Lex's jaw to the back of Lex's head, but here, Lex is totally about to respond in kind. Gone is the faggy Lex Luthor who would settle his problems with his intelligence. This is Lex Luthor, unleashed! This cover went above and beyond and delivered a one-two punch of awesomeness (pun intended!!!), ensuring that, oh yes, there will be blood.
With only two comics left, and nearly exhausted from the sheer onslaught of power that my comics were delivering, I turned to the next book in my pile, The Incredible Hercules #116. Here we had the unusual but nonetheless kick-ass battle of...Ikaris vs. Hercules
And oh my god, the sheer masculinity dripping from this cover. I was so overwhelmed that I went and showed this to my sister, who proceeded to get pregnant by looking at it. Here we have Ikaris, right arm thrust back, and fucking glowing, about to punch Hercules back from whence he came. Hercules is so muscular that his clothes can barely contain him. This comic was so manly that I had to headbutt the pages just to turn them.
I had one comic left, and that was Catwoman #78. This one promised a fight between Catwoman and Cheetah, two feline-based villainesses. I was excited, expecting another all-out slugfest, with Catwoman's right arm thrust back to punch Cheetah so hard she'll have kittens. Instead, what I got was so much better.
One word: Mrrrrrrrooooowwww!
I like this cover because the two characters are kissing and stripping, which is how girls fight. It reminds me of that great poster that's in every dorm room I've ever seen with the two girls making out. Cheetah also has a good costume because the inner lining of her pants are leopard skin and she has leopard skin, so it always looks like you can see her vagina.
Needless to say, after finishing these comics I had to take a shower and then tell my friend Margot about them, but she kept going on and on about - you guessed it! - comic books being sexist!
What a feminazi!
